New Years was pretty wild. I was not, but everything in my universe was. In case my mom reads my blog, I won't detail it. I'm alive and healthy and so are all of my friends.
I watched a movie tonight that glamorized a subset of content creators and it made me want to be a content creator. This has happened before. My thing is I don't want to make music or paint or whatever. I want to write, but I don't want to be a writer. I enjoy writing. It's why I'm writing this. I'm trying to get those muscles going, because it's something I think I'm pretty okay at once I have something I want to write about.
What's important is that I don't write because I want to be glamorized. And I don't mean like millions in book royalties due to a fan base of adoring tweens. I mean even writing for the smallest bit of praise. I used to write essays about shit on Tumblr to feel a shot of dopamine or serotonin or whatever from getting likes from a couple people who were basically going to automatically like anything I wrote. I don't feel gross about enjoying someone enjoying what I write, but I feel gross about writing just to feel that feeling. I have to write for the joy of taking words from my head, putting them on this screen, and knowing it's something that I created.
I think that is the right approach. It requires setting aside the fear in the back of my head that what I write is objectively bad writing or objectively shallow material. I can set that aside, because I don't need to write something for anyone else. If I thought I was writing for the benefit of someone else, I should have the internet taken from me anyway before my ego embarrassed me further. No, I have to write for me. It's better that way. For my chemicals.